Hi, my name is Laura cox, I am 29 years old I live in Skelmersdale in Lancashire with my partner Eddie, and our three children Hayden 9, Jake 3, and George 1.
We both work part time for Asda As we are not able to work more hours due to the complex needs of our eldest son Hayden.
Hayden has severe autism, he is non verbal ,ADHD, severe complex needs and severe learning difficulties he has 2.1 care at all times and is in a special school called Kingsbury which he loves.
Our aim is to raise enough money to be able to get my family the perfect/suitable house to make all our lives a bit more manageable
Hayden is a pro at escaping out of all the houses we’ve had, over garden walls, fences an even out the car, he is very strong very active and very motivated for what he wants.
He loves to be chased, and makes everything a game for his own benefits, which makes running off a hard battle for us with having two other small children, he has no road awareness/danger awareness so we have to catch him at all costs!!
Doors an cupboards to every room in our house have to be locked or contents go on the floor, which makes Hayden very much restricted and very angry so he breaks the doors off,
if He’s not getting his own way he will become very frustrated and will lash out, smack his two younger brothers, smash things, hits out, kicks, rips wallpaper, doors, pulls carpet up, throws iPads, TVs, breaks beds, windows, smears up walls.
He also has meltdowns that can last 3 hours at a time and can have 10-15 meltdowns a day and become extremely violent an frustrated at the world.
He also has a very restricted diet of coco pops(just for the chocolate milk) chocolate buttons an milkshake mix.
He is always unwell sick or has rashes due to poor hygiene as again he won’t get a bath or shower without the feeling of being chased or held down so takes at least 3 adults to bath him.
He won’t take any tablets or liquid form medication so we have to hide it every day an when he is sick or has a temp he is left with nothing because doctors can’t get even suppositories into him with him being so strong.
It’s only a matter of time before something really bad happens to him or he gets an illness we can’t manage without medication and I’m scared for that to come.
I feel extremely sad that our government doesn’t care enough for these children, the children that are the most vulnerable in our community and yet they have took it upon themselves to cut a lot of benefits/respite for people needing it most an their families.
Which just leaves us all at breaking point!!! I really don’t think it’s fair that because of where we live, we aren’t entitled to the same help for the exact same problems, surely we should all deserve the same???
I don’t think anyone in Skelmersdale is getting the help they deserve for their children with complex needs. And this needs to stop!!
All I hear is funding this, an funding that!!! It’s all about funding apparently.
I’m not sure how much more We can take as a family Without the realization our gorgeous hayden may have to go into a residential home permanently!!!! We do NOT want this at all and it breaks my heart even saying it out loud,
all we want is a house that’s suitable for Hayden’s needs.
So I’m asking anyone for help!!
We have had to move house five times in the space of 6 years an every house hasn’t been suitable for his needs e.g. Near main road, house to small, garden too easy to escape, flooded bathroom, flooded kitchen, gets out the windows, going into neighbors houses, wrecking everything in sight which he loves to do.
All with a lovely loud high pitched scream Hayden also goes to a respite centre 40 miles away in Blackburn where he is having 3.1 care 9.30-5.30 that’s the closest one to us in our county and we have to travel the 40 miles each way which means 4 journeys a day at 160 miles for every time he’s in respite as they don’t provide transportation which is also costing us a fortune in petrol.
And that is meant to be part of our break!!! Hayden loves going to respite and really needs it as he needs to be occupied 24 hours a day, me an Eddie are exhausted.
Hayden never runs out of energy, and we have 2 other small children that are being made to feel second best because there isn’t enough time in the day or enough of us to go around.
We just can’t take much more.
Hayden is involved with a lot of different specialists/doctors/ OT/social workers/ camhs etc and I know it’s really hard to try an explain in writing, the difficulties we are facing every day. (So I will try adding pics/videos).
I’m desperate for some help!! living in Lancashire seems to be the worst place to live for children with disabilities and It’s just not fair.
We can’t earn enough to buy a house because we are both only allowed to work part time, we can’t get a deposit for a house because when we try to save we have to replace things broken.
I feel like Hayden is only getting older and stronger an I need to help him before he’s out of control, we are getting nowhere with anything!!!
I would love to be able to just keep him safe in a house nearer to family to help us more, a house suitable and big enough for all his needs, it would take such a massive stress of us all.
I don’t know what other options I have but any advice or options would be so great